Holding Space for Love to be Seen
Topics Explored in this Video
- Can I just be human... please?
- Trusting the heart when the mind is noisy
- Being okay with not knowing
- Not "my" love, but THE Love
- The restriction of love
- Love is only here now, not tomorrow
- The struggle of being at peace with myself
- We are terrified of real love
- What is the problem, other than a self-judgment?
- Maybe my crazy is perfectly placed
- The prize we all share
Other things mentioned...
(links open in a new window)
- New Podcast - Meditate Now, guided journeys with Tiger
a growing collection of guided meditative journeys available on most podcast players.
- Portugal Retreat, March 24th, 2020
Remembering a Sacred Sanity
a casual and intimate retreat experience for 10 people to dive more deeply with Tiger, into more love, compassion, and freedom.
- Private Retreats with Tiger
an opportunity for 3 or 5 day private retreats, where you come to Portugal and hang out with Tiger for some quality time and focused explorations.
Below you can read the full transcript, 3,000 words
Holding Space for Love to be Seen
I don't really have much of a plan for jumping on here. I titled this video "Holding Space so Love Can be Seen."
You know, my goodness, to be human, there is this tendency to cling to spiritual concepts, that try to be captured by the human. Rather than seeing that those spiritual concepts are pointing to the foundation of Life that holds a space for the reality of your human. In a way, it says, "Just be human," because, isn't that the difficulty with being human? The idea that it's not okay to be human, that it's not okay to feel what you feel, to be vulnerable, to be raw, to be strong, to be courageous, to be weak, to be fragile, to be all of it. Then we get caught up in these silly expectations of how we're supposed to be human.
Oh, my goodness. I see the trap in my own mind and in my own experience, where I can see this beauty in the inquiry, to see that all this love, and that there's a profound peace here and now, to see all my imaginary problems and then create an expectation that says, "oh, well, I should be like this, and I should be like that. I want to be like this. I want to be like that."
It's so similar to being in a relationship with a human being and wanting them to be a particular way rather than just embracing their human, embracing their struggle, embracing their seasons.
Can I just be human... please?
Isn't that interesting? When if we just step back and look at the totality of being human, it's really quite beautiful; and then we take it personally 🙈, which is part of being human. That's beautiful, too. It's insane, but it's beautiful. It's allowed.
I find that in the allowing of the raw apparent complexity of being human, then being human becomes more simple. It's like, "oh, okay. It's okay to just be." For me, this is what it is to hold space so that love can be seen, to allow what it is, to allow what's happening and then see the love in it all, much like observing the seasons, how they change.
They [the seasons] might seem extreme, super cold or super hot. But when you step back and see the whole dance of life, you see that all of these seasons are allowed. Not only are they allowed, but they're necessary, they're necessary for life to be life, the whole thing of life, all of it needs all of it.
When the mind argues with any aspect of life, the mind simply doesn't see the wholeness of life. The mind thinks that life can be life without certain aspects of life. It's super sweet. It can be painful, but it's super sweet.
There's such a beautiful invitation to see the beauty of the totality in human beings, including yourself and including life. It's interesting, too, because, like in relationships, if you want another person to be a certain way, you can't see the beauty of their totality. It's like we reject what is showing unless it's what we want. In that rejection, we're not open to seeing the love in at all.
That's okay. But How's it going?
I think it's wise to undress the heart and fall into this. Yes, call it a vulnerability in the humanness. It's like, "is it okay? Can I just be human?"
"Can I just be human, please? Can I just be what is? If I'm struggling, can I just struggle, please? Is that okay? If I'm happy, can I just be happy? Is that okay? Can I just be sad? if I'm confused? Is it okay? Can I just be confused, please? If I'm hurting, can I hurt?"
It's interesting, too, because if I get still, I can find all of that inside of what I am. I can find a deep pain. I can find a deep happiness. I can find a deep peace. I can find a frustration. It's all there.
Trusting the heart when the mind is noisy
Sven asks (live video participant), "How about trusting the guidance of the heart and still hearing the mind bubbling around?"
Yeah, I hear that. I definitely hear that when it comes to trusting the heart. What I hear is... I don't really know, but this feels true. It feels sincere, and it's almost like an intuitive thing, yeah? The mind wants to know. I think that's where the difficulty comes in.
The mind thinks it can know what to do, rather than the heart that feels into what's sincere; and what's sincere doesn't always make sense to the mind. What sincere can't always be explained. I can tap into a deep honesty that's felt this direction or that direction. But do I really know? No.
But, it's what's sincere. I can see the mind frantically searching for some certainty, some security. It wants to know which way to go. But that doesn't seem like a real thing, does it? To really know which direction?
I don't know. But I can move in what is sincere. I can trust the sincere, because the sincere is true, right? Because it's like if I'm going to know something, the only thing I can really know is here and now, I can't know anything beyond here and now.
I can just assume, I can think, I can believe, but I don't really know.
So, what am I going to trust? Am I going to trust what I think I know about tomorrow? Or, am I going to trust what I actually know?
If I get still, if I become present, I can know a deep sincerity.
I can trust that because it's true. I think that's how the heart guides. I think that's what we long for, too, is to come back to that sincerity of the heart and know that that's enough.
Being okay with not knowing
There's a profound wisdom in discerning the difference between what I know and what I think so often we think we know what we only think. We know we don't really know. Isn't that so true? So often our mind is locked into this false sense of knowing, and then we hide behind it. And then we go to war against anything that threatens what we imagine ourselves to know.
And I really like the space of emptiness where I don't really know. There's freedom there, because I see that I don't have to know that which is impossible to know. It's okay to not know. And there's so much, I don't know if that's you too. Then welcome to the club.
It's like I can hear the mind say, "I'm this and I'm that." Do I really know that? No. "I'm too much of this, I'm not enough of that." Do I really know that? No. Can it seem that way? Yes.
But if it seems that way, is that really how it is? No. How it seems is simply a way of looking at it. So we ask, "What is it really? I can see what it seems like. I can see the way that I'm seeing it. But what is it really?"
That draws you into a stillness, doesn't it? It invites us to get intimate with what we're experiencing, to see it without a filter, to let go of it, to stop demanding it be what I want it to be.
So glad to be with people here in this space that don't know. I like to celebrate that together, which is kind of funny, too, because when I go out and give talks or something, there's the projection that, "oh, Tiger must know something." No 🙈.
Seems like that character knows something, but it doesn't, he's just as lost as the rest of them, just as scared, just as confused, playing out this humanness.
That's a great point, too, that the prize isn't to be captured by the human, like in that example, if I'm speaking about these things, or if I'm sharing insight and wisdom, there can be the projection that says, "oh, Tiger captured it. He got it." Then you come hang out with me for a day and you're like, "Never mind. He's just a dude."
Not "my" love, but THE Love
It's the foundation that's being pointed to. It's the Grace that holds it all, and captured by no one, that holds this space that allows for just the reality of being human. Along the journey, we get to clarify some of the confusions and the misunderstandings which ultimately expose more love. But you see that it's not your love. It's THE love.
And that's what we do as human beings, too. We want to claim the love. We want it to be personal rather than saying, "oh, this isn't my love." It is THE love, and then that love gets to look out from behind my eyes, when this character gets out of the way.
I think we got to be cautious about that, or at least I got to be cautious about that. The tendency for the mind to want to claim, to capture, to identify. It's like proclaiming that I know something that I don't really know, so that I can pretend to be something I'm not.
If you want to come rest in this space of not knowing anything, I invite you to come on retreat in Portugal.
I've got a ten person only retreat March 24. If that sounds interesting to you, it will be with a bunch of other people who can admit they don't know anything, and we can celebrate what is discovered in that unknown. What a space of liberation to see that. That it's... Okay.
Pia Maria (live video participant) says... "to have a handle on it? The love that is so beyond controllability? In its essence, so scary, so big and beyond comprehension?"
Yeah. Good luck getting a handle on that. And that's the thing, right?
It's too big. It's too big. The human mind cannot even begin to comprehend the immensity of this love that has given birth to every star. Yeah.
The name of the retreat, Remembering a Sacred Sanity. And I think that sacred sanity is remembering that we don't know, and that that's okay. It's like we become sane again. "It's like, oh, yeah. It's okay."
The restriction of love
That's where I find there to be a restriction of love is when I think I know something that I don't really know. In the unknown, there is no reason known for withholding love. Isn't that funny? Like, if I look at any movement in me that wants to withhold love from myself or from another person, it's because I think I know something.
I think I know that I'm too much or not enough, or somebody else is too much or not enough. I don't really know that. Where's my life going? I don't know. Where's it supposed to go? I don't know.
Love is only here now, not tomorrow
Becky (live video participant) says, "When we feel safe enough to let go of control and know we are being held by sacred remembrance, a deep knowing that love is everything."
Yeah. And you see, once again, we can only know that right now. It's like that love is here now. It's not in tomorrow, which would be our idea of tomorrow. It's here now and only now.
The struggle of being at peace with myself
I can see the dilemma in my mind that looks for it tomorrow and tries to make sure it's there tomorrow, which doesn't see it here right now. I was having this conversation with a friend the other day about being at peace with the self. It's like it's super easy to be at peace with yourself right now, but our concern is, "but what about tomorrow?" And in that concern, we can't be at peace with ourselves right now because the self doesn't look how we think it should look in order to have peace tomorrow.
So, we reject the self right now. We're violent to the self right now so that we can get it to look a certain way so that the peace will be there tomorrow. "If only I was like this then I know peace would be there tomorrow." I think I know that, but that hasn't been proven correct in my experience.
It's funny to watch how much I want to change the self in order to protect a future that never comes, and to drop that future that has never come. There's a relaxation that just allows the self to be the self.
We are terrified of real love
It's scary. It's scary to just allow the self to be the self, because then you have to let go of everything being held on to in the future.
I think that's an interesting dilemma. It's like the concept of unconditional love. We're actually terrified of it because we want so much the self to change and not be what it is. We don't want the unconditional love right now. We say "no, not yet."
I'm not how I am supposed to be. And if there's unconditional love right now, then that means I don't have to change, which means I don't get what I want in the future. It's interesting to see how we're terrified of real love because it invites us to have love for what we are right now as we are. It's so beautiful to see that there is that love. It's here.
What is the problem, other than a self-judgment?
It's present. It's holding you just be for a moment. See that it's okay. "But I got all these problems." What is the problem other than a self judgment?
What is the problem other than self judgment? All of these things that you want to change about yourself, why do you want to change them? "So I can stop judging myself?" Well, maybe we should just drop the self judgment. "Nooooo!, I use self judgment as a weapon tool to get what I want in the future."
Well, How's it going? "Not good." Okay.
I can see that the self judgment is what drives me into violent and problematic tendencies. Isn't that interesting? It's like the violence of self judgment is a vicious cycle which spirals us into distractions that run away from the present moment. Welcome to being human. Yeah, and the way out of that, it's only available right now.
I mean, yeah, it'd be great to find a way out of that in every future moment. But maybe we can just take a moment right now and ease the tension, ease the self violence. Take a breath, breathe. Maybe it's okay.
Maybe my crazy is perfectly placed
You know what else also is really interesting is these things that I share, my work, these things that I share and the content that I spend my time creating. It comes from a very real human pain. It's like it comes from the reality of being human. It doesn't come from being Super Zen all the time 😂. It comes from my own crazy where I get to look at my own crazy. I'm like, "oh, wow. I see that that's profound."
Then I share that, and so, if it wasn't for my own crazy, I wouldn't have anything to share, which then inspires a love. Isn't that fascinating? I have all these moments of wanting to get rid of my crazy, which is like wanting to get rid of the love because they go together; can't separate it. So maybe my crazy is perfectly placed.
Which is funny, because when I accept my crazy, it becomes less crazy. Still crazy, but less crazy. It's like it becomes a more playful crazy than a violent crazy. A more playful confusion than a violent confusion. That's beautiful.
Super fascinating. But there's such a freedom in that. I can just taste it right now. It's like,
"wait, I can be as I am. I can be crazy.
I can not know. I can just be human. Is that allowed? Oh, wow. I don't have to get on here and pretend like I have my shit together.
I could just be human. Okay, that's a little easier. All right."
The prize we all share
In that sharing I can point toward. Let's call it the prize we all share, the prize we all share rather than the prize that I have and you don't have; that's gross. It's not true at all. The prize we all share. Sometimes I can see it. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes you can see it. Sometimes you can't.
So, when I see it, I can share and point, and then when I can't see it, somebody else is sharing and pointing.
We're all holding space for one another. It's a beautiful thing about relationship, is we know that we are all at some point going to get lost and confused and scared, and we've all been there, And so we hold a space.
This is compassion.
All right, lovelies.
Wonderful to share this space with you. Two things to check out. Meditate now Podcast, and Portugal Retreat March 24, for 7 nights. Ten people only come hang out or if you want to do a private retreat, that's possible, too. Just you and me hanging out in Portugal; exploring Nature both inside and outside.