It’s odd, that the secret to peace is knowing I don’t know. There’s a comedy in watching how every internal agitation is in response to believing I know something I don’t really know. Most notably, about what something means.
Furthermore, there’s an ascribed meaning that jeopardizes my worth, value, and loveability. Only to eventually find out, it was never true. This, in many ways, is the only problematic game being played within the human psyche; a game of searching for some definable meaning about the self.
“Meaning,” is an interesting phenomenon; as it’s ultimately an attempt to define something as good or bad. Yet, we tend to think it’s something other than or more grandiose than this. If we look at everything we ascribe meaning to, whether ourselves, others, events, or circumstances, in the end, we are looking to ascribe meaning for our perceived personal existence.
“What does this mean?!” Might be one of the most asked questions as we travel through our day. Or, maybe more accurately… “What does this mean, about me?” Which again, is like asking… “Am I good or bad?” Even subtly, we might ask “what does this mean about him or her?” Only to find out this is a sneaky attempt to give yourself meaning.
Comically, maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all.
Can you imagine looking at flowers and screaming “what does this mean?!” Nothing, silly.
In my experience, with all the agitation that I’ve felt about other people, it was an agitation based on a meaning of myself not being enough; interpreted in some way to say “I was bad,” or “guilty.” All my disturbances about events or circumstances, the same play of creating a meaning not really there. It’s almost like, any lack of peace or present moment wellness is a direct result of me trying to give myself meaning.
To bring balance here, I have to address the flip side of this, which is probably way less popular. Which is to see the utter nonsense of ‘meanings’ I create that say “I’m good.” Equally so, I can find many past examples where I interpreted others, events, and circumstances to mean something positive about myself; yet, they are just as non-true as any negative stories.
Believing there is a positive or good meaning, is what gives… Validity and Power to the negative or bad. My belief in good, literally creates a belief in bad. The tragedy here is that in my attempt to find myself or find meaning, I’ve already assumed I’m without meaning, which carries a meaning that’s perceived to be bad.
In the absence of all this noise, the seeking of or the defending of meaning, there’s an absolute stillness of presence. Almost like you have full permission to just smell the freggin’ flowers rather than questioning their meaning. Full permission to just… Be; since it’s seen that the game of meaning (good/bad) is literally impossible.
Peace shows itself when there is no longer a war between good and bad. Which, again, is hilarious. The good guy fights the bad guy, and the bad guy thinks he is the good guy fighting the bad guy. This is the only war that’s ever existed, and it’s a war that reflects the inner war of man; painfully searching for a meaning of personal identity.
It’s not there, it’s nowhere. You can relax now.