Tiger opens up for the exploration of the dream of being human with the words ”Let's touch upon the nature of the dream as it is referred to in a spiritual context. And in this illustration it attempts to bring clarity between these different stages about our humanness. One of in which we are completely blinded by thought, believing things that are impossible, focusing on something not really there. And I draw your attention to this to see the capacity of the mind to be lost in its content.….. ”
The dream of being a parent is no different from any made up illusion. There is no parent in the world that can match the perfect dream-image we tend to create. To believe you can, will keep you struggling to match an image, equally as impossible as catching clouds in the sky. This constant trying to be something you are not is what’s keeps you from being present with what is; present on your child's journey.
Waking up from the dream is to recognize the willingness to see beyond. To see that these kids are not yours to have, but a gift for you to deeply experience the miracle and magic of life. They are the invitation for you to heal every wound in the raw explosion of being human.
The first step in exploring your parenting experience is to get honest yourself; "Why did I so badly have the desire to be a parent? What in me wanted to have this experience? Why was it important for me to be in the role as a parent?
Even if it wasn’t your wish, is there an image you might be chasing? Be honest.
Often, what we want is the perfection of a dream, and protection of a made up character called mum or dad. We make up an illusion, an imagination about how life would look like if we just have this or that. "If this happens, if I reach that, if I could get others to see me how I want to bee seen, I would finally bee enough. I would finally be loved. I would finally find meaning in life.”
Having kids is not different from any other desire that would make us feel whole, and heal the wound of inadequacy.
Tiger points to this wound: ”The human dilemma is the wound of inadequacy. And when we examine this we find that the deep root of any disturbance in your being comes from the belief in not being enough. That you can't do this, and won’t be able to do it in the future. You want someone to love you but you do not know if you can be someone they would love. All these beliefs and stories that keep you away from enjoying the present moment.”
The emotional connection to a child makes it sometimes difficult to make the distinction between what we ‘dream' a challenge to be about and what it’s really about.
We will by default, in this dream state, keep our children responsible for our wound of inadequacy. We expect from the child to give what we can not give to ourselves and to heal a belief we fight to keep. This experience of ”not being enough” is what you by default, with that expectation, will transfer to the child.
The desire to be enough and the trying to fix it on the outside, to fix or change the child, is to avoid the real issue. The real issue, the pain, that comes when the dream is mistaken for truth. Every attempt to make the child show up in a way that is comfortable for you is to ask them to not move, so you can keep hiding behind them. And yes, it is painful to think you know the path for your child. It hurts to fight the realness in what is.
With the deep understanding of this comes the realization that what the kid does, how they moves is not about you. It´s the nature of life moving thru this innocent being. And you are watching the show.
Tiger's invitation is that; ”When you deeply realize that this all is a dream, it becomes playful. In the exact way as when a child finds out that it is allowed to play, there is this joy in every moment, it is a magical adventure in every experience.
The dilemma for every human being is the simple dilemma in believing in something that is not. To be caught up in the playful worries about the dream of the future. The healing in this is to see what is true. To find your naturalness in being, not your trying to be. What is flowing through you effortless? This is your greatest skill-set and your greatest tool in this human experience. This stance from within an openness in your being, an openness to see what is true.”
When the willingness appears, this is where we can distinguish the dream from what is real. This is where the key is to see what parenting is really about. When you find a genuine curiosity in the moment, when you drop into yourself to acknowledge what this child is here to teach you, you see just how much they are here to help you heal. As in every relationship, the opportunity is to see you, the closer relationship the deeper the exploration.
Recognize and discern the difference between the reality of your child’s desire for love and understanding, and what might be your dream of not being enough; a dream which gets projected onto your child.
Open up for an opportunity to relieve the pain that comes with holding your child hostage in an image. Open up to the curiosity to find out about the present moment instead of living in the dream strangled to the future. This is the invitation to drop the guard and open up to the gift this child is here to show you.
I’d love to hear you experiences with projecting dreams not really there, as it relates to parenting. Leave a comment below if you’re so inspired to do so.