The pinnacle of Authentic Connection is to be so incredibly connected to what you are, that nothing can phase the absolute freedom you feel within what you are. What is meant by this, is that you feel so free, that you completely and absolutely allow the present moment to be the present moment.
Traditionally, we feel so threatened by the present moment, life and others that we are constantly in a state of defense without even knowing it. This shows itself as tiny or massive tension, that can be felt in all different areas of the body; physical, emotional, mental and all things energetic.
It is a threat against the inherent freedom that you know exists somewhere. We believe that what is perceived, is somehow in between you and the freedom you crave. This is why we lash out, this is why we lose our shit and sometimes violently blame others or life circumstances as the cause of our separation from freedom.
It’s an internal crying out that rejects what is showing, a complete or partial disconnection from an authentic connection to a freedom that is known to exist somewhere. Why else would we react so violently? We are attempting to protect something so precious. Yes, violently. In the way that we define it as being unworthy of existing as what it is.
Where’s the confusion, in how to really be free?
The confusion is simple, yet incredibly challenging to our false hopes about freedom. The freedom we desperately want is not the sincerity of freedom that we crave within our deepest longing that comes with being alive. To investigate this is to investigate the ways in which you (and only you) limit, restrict and deny the freedom you want most.
What Freedom is NOT
The traditional concept of freedom that’s sold through social conditioning, is the idea that you are given freedom by an outside source, that allows you to do, say, act, pursue, be, deny and acquire anything at any time of your choosing. A freedom that says, “we allow you to be free.”
Do you see this? A freedom that is given to you, is a freedom that can also be taken. In this arises the opportunity for manipulation. If I give you freedom (because it’s what you inherently want) I can then control you through the threat of taking it away. We see this happen with concepts of love as well, as in a way, they are the same thing.
It’s a manipulation that says, “I will give you your self, because I control your self.” This form of possessiveness is at epidemic levels in today’s society. It stems from an intrinsic insecurity that feels other people have what you need in order for you to be you.
For example, most current forms of government need people in order to be what they are. The government exists to serve itself and maintain its power. It has become its own entity that fears losing its power. This entity knows that it only exists because of the people that allow it to be, so in order to survive, it must create a dependency where the people need the government.
The best way to do this is to pretend to be the source of what people want most; freedom, love, and permission to be. However, maybe you can see, this is the basis for all problematic relationships where we look to the other as the source of what we want most. We become a slave to that which extends what we think we want or need.
The fundamental confusion with the concept of government is that we see the government as the authority and giver of what we want, rather than an instrument of the collective that shares, organizes, and expands the inherent goodness of all. The confusion is that the power is not in the people, but in an insecure institution that fears it’s own demise.
The problem, however, is not the institution of government, even though it seems quite easy to blame such a thing. Just like in a relationship, the problem is not in the ‘other;’ the problem is in the belief that the ‘other’ has what you need in order for you to be you. If you believe the government has what you need or a relationship partner has what you need, you will willingly give your own power away and suffer the consequences.
There’s no blame that’s valid here, because what else do you expect would happen? You are asking something outside of yourself to give you something it can never give you; however, it tries because you asked it to. You gave your power away. No one took it. No one manipulated you out of it. In order for someone to even have the chance of holding your freedom hostage, you had to give it to them in the first place.
What Freedom Really Is
In a playful effort to communicate this, I invite us to return to simplicity. Exposing a principle that can start with the most basic foundation and then expand into the extremes. So common it is to immediately jump to the extremes; which is really a way of avoiding the simplicity of our own denial of what we reject within ourselves.
With this, it’s monumentally important to recognize that I’m not speaking about anybody else’s experiences. I am speaking of my experiences which then extends to you – only if it resonates. This is only to say, this inquiry is only about what is occurring within YOU. The moment you try to superimpose this inquiry onto another’s experience outside of your inner experience is the exact moment you will become lost. Why? Because it’s literally impossible for you to know anyone else’s experience but your own.
Again, it’s an avoidance issue. We look at other people’s experiences because we want to avoid our own. We blame the movement of others because we avoid looking at our own inner blame, conflict, and self-rejection of what we want most. It seems much easier to just say we are not free, because of – that thing over there. Which again, is the whole point, we give our power away through avoidance of looking at our own power. This power has the ability to completely strip yourself of all things sincerely desired.
If you really want to discover REAL FREEDOM, you have to be willing to look at yourself, and see the ways you deny yourself this freedom, rather than looking for something outside yourself to restore it or give it to you. To not allow this, is a form of Self-Manipulation, which will always and forever be a pre-requisite before you experience anything that you think is external manipulation.
To explore what freedom really is, in a simple way, let’s look once again at the play of Authentic Connection. If you are sitting across the table from someone, and are authentically connected to yourself, which is to be unquestioned in your worth, value, lovability and all things healed with no inner argument, which is to also say fully present, in this space you don’t want or need anything from the other person.
In fact, the sole purpose or function of the interaction is for the simple joy of being or the joy of connecting. You completely extend freedom for this person to be who or what they are, because you don’t need them to be any different in order for you to be free. It is seen, from within what you are, as you are so authentically connected to the truth of what you are, that you don’t need them to change, in order for you to be with what you want most, which is the ability to be fully present and unthreatened in your sense of identity.
Stay with the simplicity of this example, where you might be sharing a moment with someone while enjoying a cup of coffee.
Can you see that in your freedom to be present, to enjoy the moment, to be with complete gratitude for the miracle breathing through you right now, you also, by default, extend absolute freedom to the one you are with?
You recognize, consciously or unconsciously, that you simply don’t need them; because of this, you can fully be present and listen deeply, connect deeply, and enjoy deeply. You, are Free.
This is real freedom, to completely be yourself, without the need for permission from any outside influence, because you see that nothing outside of you, can give you want most. What you want most, is to free yourself from the absurdity that something outside of you has anything that has any power over your ability to simply be.
The Extremes of Freedom
As mentioned earlier, you can see how the mind starts looking for extreme situations to invalidate what I’m saying. The mind is looking for evidence that can support your effort to hide from the unavoidable truth that you and only you, are responsible for being Free. Again, the mind wonders about other people’s experiences, crafting scenarios that attempt to prove that other people are in the way of other people feeling free.
I will tell you once more, your effort to look at another’s experience, is to hide from your own. With absolute confidence, I can tell you, if you fully understand your own experience to the core, and how it is you are absolutely free, you would see beyond doubt the perfection of everyone else’s experience.
Stay in your own lane. Focus. What matters here is your experience of freedom, because once it is realized, embodied or integrated, you will be able to love more fully everyone around you. If you are with a fear that others can limit your experience of freedom, then you will withhold love and freedom from them, you will be violent toward them because you are being violent toward yourself.
Did you notice that in your own experience, people can look at your life story and offer up judgments, accusations, and disbelief at some of the things you’ve been through? Yet, all of those things, are what opened you up to allow for a deeper discovery of love waiting to be shared. As life ripped away your illusions of self-importance, through what appears to be life chaos, massive disappointments, painful loss, and everything else that can be seen with eyes of fear, it was precisely those things that exposed deeper freedom to be yourself.
Can you see how someone else looking at your experience, isn’t seeing your experience at all? What they see, is the avoidance of coming to terms with their own experience; looking to validate their own self-rejection, through looking to reject another’s experience. When we look at another’s path, story, or life unfolding, what we see is not the sincerity of their journey, what we see, is ourselves. We see, how we see ourselves.
Equally so, can you see that as you’ve loosened your grip of self-judgment while seeing the perfection in yesterday, you similarly see this same self-compassion in the journey of others? As the unfolding of your life journey begins to make more sense, you relax, and naturally, you relax in your observation of other people’s journey. Do you see? You only see yourself. You see what you deny in yourself, and you see what you allow in yourself.
If you really want to be free, and I mean Really be Free, you have to be willing to extend freedom to everyone and everything. You have to give people back to themselves, and stop trying to get something from them that they can never give you anyway.
To really be free, you have to own up to the ways in which you deny yourself freedom, rather than looking for someone or something to hide behind. This is radical self-honesty and total experiential accountability. You have to be willing to see the ways you don’t allow yourself to be sincere because you fear the rejection of your sincerity. Which is to imprison yourself through a false need for approval from something or someone outside yourself. Clearly, that can only happen because you don’t fully see yourself, you only see self-judgment, self-rejection, self-hatred, and all things separate from what’s desired.
It’s simply not true. It’s not real. It’s only an imagined fear because you’re unwilling to look at the darkness. Unwilling to look at these areas where you deny yourself. It’s okay though because this is the stage being set, this is the adventure waiting to unfold, this is what you’ve been waiting for. The truth of what you are.
The solution here, again, is radical self-honesty and total experiential accountability; the only path toward an authentic connection with what you want most.
InLight Connect exists for this purpose, as the playful bridge that points you inward so you can authentically connect to where it is you truly want to be, which is in your own power so that you can share the beauty and love of what you already are.
My goodness, we love you. We love your sincerity that’s willing to look this deeply within what you are. We support you, we support your devotion to uncovering the ways you only limit yourself.
On behalf of the entire team at ILC,
Cheers, to the beauty you already are.